Here I am on the cusp of Phase Three and
looking with wonder at what it might bring.
Amazing how ordinary life can become in such an inordinatly short period. Im also amazed and intrigued by how the lack of my masculinity began this journey and now will end it.
Im thinking of how I could have gone further, seen more, increased my awareness and accomplished more with fem-fetales if only I were more of a man.
However.
Today is different. Tomorrow will be just as different as I am to its indifference to me.
Occasionaly I loose track of who I am, I forget that Im steadfast, bizarre, resolute, obnoxious, changable, compromising, expectable and morose. My particular gift is to be able to command an audience, to make friends and to gain trust with a whimisical comment, my cross to bear is to be never taken seriously - I am blow with the wind too much!
Im now confident that I dont need to know very much about where Im going or what I can do when I get there. Research implies an exam, a test, a measure of what ones learnt through study and that, is not life.
I dont believe in company procedures. I dont believe in company rhetoric on teams. I dont believe we have learnt the answers through studious learning.
I do believe in reaction, thought processes, working friends that can foresee common goals and work with you to make them reality and i do believe that what we have been taught empowers us to recognise what is about to become a part of our futures.
Ive made some terrible mistakes with people I care about, happily, those mistakes have been - on the most part - recognised as unfortunate circumstance of life. My Birmigham friend will be my friend forever regardless of time and distance, my Donny friend will start a new life and I hope will continue to be part of mine, my princess friend will occasionaly upset by my inaction but will always be forgiving and my classically beautiful friend in London will never quite be the same again. She is the one regret Ive not yet been able to acquisece.
India will remind me of my strengths and weaknesses. It will reinforce my ideals and my morals.
I constantly see days in my mind of the past year and the circumstances and events I have lived, expressed and become involved in. I also see one other purpose, long forgotten.
Ross saw it, Ian, Dutchy, Skippy, Zander and many of you. Its written on my bike in more languages than I can read…
Continue to inspire others.
I only hope that this time, I will be worthy of them. This time perhaps I can hold on to them longer than I have when I have returned to Blighty.
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