Jo Ackroyd’s Big Biking Adventure

If I look in wonder at the end of a gun, I’ll put my finger in the barrel and ask them if its real.

If I see a tea pot, I’ll assume there is a doormouse inside.

Another door will open on Sunday, with or without a potion. It’s important to me that I leave on cue. Not only to ensure that an early failure is avoided, but to ensure a real decision has been made.

I’ve never made a decision that means anything in my life. I have been a fortunate bystander. I’ve been a passenger in a car where I’m not the driver and now, in time counted in hours, I have the ability to take mental charge of my life.

It’s a considerable worry, if I get it wrong and I’m not a success, if I’m not up to the task and faulter away into hiding or if I grab it and use it and refuse to look back exploiting it for what it is, and could be.

I should remember that the success is measured by my means and my rule and not by others. I cherish the smiles along the way but I should also bear in mind the smile that matters first is my own. This sounds decidedly selfish and does not sit well with me but I also understand how a moments peace will come from many hours of perseverance.

By this I mean that I can’t expect to give others happiness if I don’t understand it myself.

My mortgage review is tomorrow, that’s a story in itself how the bank has played its own game in a falling market and told me my house is in negative equity. Their own property services have valued it last week at £15 more than I paid for it, their negative equity claims have come to nothing and the surveyors have revalued it and brought equity back into their unnatural virtual world of property values. It seems their only valuation, until I paid for an arbitrary individual surveyor, was based upon a computer model that’s run country wide.

Work continues, unfortunately. I feel they have missed the point, but then I’m sure every employee feels the same. Still they think Im insane, they cant understand why I might give up a job of work that they live and die for. They can’t see why life as it is, is not enough, they believe the only problem in the business lies completely at the door of their clients and the remodel of the business to suit a particular stream is not needed, if not an insult.

The bike needs a weight loss, as do I. The next feew days will be about harsh choices made in an environment where guess work is as close as I will get to knowing how, what and why things may be required. The things I pack are useful in some way I’m sure, but will they be useful to me in the circumstances I face?

I suppose I’ve also made an involuntary choice about malaria tablets, the nurse was incredibly unhelpful, virtually dumb by comparision to my expectations. I have a prescription but no knowledge. I think tomorrow will be a better day to pursue this with the chemist down the road.

I think I’ve been drinking for some time now, maybe a year and believing that the drink brings a solace of a type and style I dont find during daylight hours. I now know different.

The silence and solace is found in the daylight hours, the boredom is felt while the sun shines and the people around me toil and spoil to gather wealth. The entertainment comes with drinking. I change Lupin like into new thoughts, new challenges and interesting concepts. I see life through different eyes, different thoughts and bizarre emotions that begin to make sense in a surreal world where happiness law is obeyed and is policed by random kindness.

I know this isn’t the usual reteric. I know this goes against the grain and the mass thinking is that the reality is the sunshine and the stupour is the fantasy, but currently, I say that the Deja Vu of my world is more real than the society yo live in. My world has more love in it, more compasion, more fantasy and more possibility than the world where tin foil and orange peel create routines that might be currupted by my thoughts.

The door will be open on Sunday, I can walk through it, ride through it and begin to live a choice I’ve hidden from or I can have a huge prolapse!

Keep the faith!

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